2010

The year in review has been rather stressful. Although my best friend graduated law school, and while Patrick has been traveling the US for his residency program, I have been in San Jose trying to sort through my future.

But that isn't to say that 2009 wasn't an eventful year for me. This past summer I ended receiving some of the Recovery Act Stimulus money by getting hired by AmeriCorps. I also moved into my own apartment in Japantown in San Jose. It is quite strange to live by yourself versus having roommates. And it is funny how different living by yourself is as opposed to moving out and living with other people. For the first time I traveled out of the country and went to visit to visit Peru, site seeing and of course be able to to stand in awe at Machu Picchu. I was also able to maintain visiting places I had not been in the US; I flew into Detroit for a day to surprise Patrick's grandmother for her 80th birthday. And for the first time in more than ten years I went back to Canada to witness my younger cousin Richard marry his high school sweetheart in July.

I was the first person outside of my sister and Ray to meet and greet my nephew Zach into the world. And in November, Patrick proposed to me in the morning before we were to head out to go visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

2009 has been an eventful year. There are memories I will take with me to enjoy and cherish. There are also memories I rather forget, such as the Fall 2009 semester.

Who knows what 2010 has in store for me. No wedding plans yet, but definitely a trip to a place I haven't been to yet.

Multi-tasking

Between 20 hours of work, 15 units of school (15 hours of school) and assisting my sister with Zach, I don't think anymore, I just do.

And it makes me think, how on earth do people go through school (college, grad school, professional schools) while raising a kid? It boggles my mind honestly.

I've also lost my sanity. Just let this semester end now, thank you.

Freedom

Sometimes I wish I could be free of my cynicism, my pessimistic outlook, and doubtful attitude. There are times where I certainly wish I was more idealistic, and not so jaded by my experience in the public realm. I think about the office job, the sitting behind a computer screen for hours, and lack of interaction with people.

I think about whether or not I will ever find something I am passionate about, that I truly enjoy. I think about how my world view has changed into a bitter view of how dominant the Eurocentric ideology and thought process is. It makes me wonder if I will ever be open to ideas again.

I wonder.

I always wonder.

When will anything become certain and happy again in my professional life? When will I be excited again?

Biting off more than you can chew

My final year at UCLA was pretty hectic. I had four classes, a part time job that had me working roughly 20 hours a week, and Saturdays that were dedicated to volunteering for Habitat for Humanity. In addition to that, I had meetings to attend in the evening for Habitat.

I thought my life was pretty hectic my last year, yet I some how managed.

This year, I have 15 semester units, and I am somehow averaging 20 hours of work a week. I think I have taken more than I can handle. My GIS class is fantastic, but at the same time the workload is killing me. The studio class I am enrolled in has me making and drawing up maps, in addition to gathering information.

I need some time off in between work and school, or I will burn out soon. Despite all this, I feel like I will be fine. I always complain, but I know I will be fine. I think I thrive on a chaotic schedule.

Service

Things in life are never fair, and I understand that.

But sometimes, those things are made too obvious and can create some resentment or the lack of committment to a job. Organization is important too.

While talking to someone who is about my age at work, we came to the conclusion that it is better to enjoy the work you do. Money is nice, but if you're miserable, there is absolutely nothing worse.

Back to the Grind

I have been back in the San Jose area for over two weeks now, after vacationing in Peru and Los Angeles. The trip to Peru was cut short for reasons I will not go into on Blogger. The time I did spend in Peru was very enjoyable, and I met some random Canadians as well as a fellow Bruin Alum, thanks to Jaclyn and Kathy.

I would post photos of my trip, but the majority of my readers have either flipped through them on facebook or Picasa.

School started a few weeks ago, and I've been working roughly 20 hours a week at my job with Our City Forest, trying to compensate for the vacation time I took.

In more exciting and serious news, my sister is ready to give birth in less than two weeks! I will soon have a nephew to dote on, however, I will not be spoiling him because I am a very, very poor Aunt. I am excited to welcome a whole new generation of our families (both Ray and my sister's) into the world. Life will change as we know it, and everything around it will too.

That's my life in a nutshell.

Oh yes, my work has been postponed for a semester. Personally, I don't care anymore because it's time that I start finishing things on my own pace.

Vacation

Here I am, about to set off on my new trip to Peru, with my best friend and a good friend from college. In all honestly, I haven't had the experience of traveling the world, exploring Europe or anything that remotely resembles that sort of escapade.

I've been fairly conservative, in the sense that I have simply been afraid.

I know I'm still pretty young, only turning 27 this year, but still, I feel like I let life slip me by because I had been so consumed on competing with friends. All of that has been an internal battle in regard to academic achievement. None-the-less, I had tell myself to take a step and prioritize. Work and school will always be there.

My youth won't.

I can finish my professional goals at my own place.

Seeing the world takes a little more time. And I don't want to become more cynical than I have. Off I go, into the wild blue yonder.

Environmental Love

Dear Sir,

You are someone from the Mountainous West who has a great appreciation for trees and the great outdoors. Perhaps you think of yourself as an environmental enthusiast, who cares about nature and enjoys what mother earth has to offer. But pardon me for just a moment, please.

You are not a true environmentalist. Your disdain and disregard for the desert landscape disgusts me. To say it's "ugly" and just "brown" without any water may be true to a very small extent. Ever heard of the Grand Canyon? It's not a desert, but it is by no means the lush green landscape you hail from the mountainous west. Do you like the Colorado Plateau? Do you like eastern Washington and the Gorge? What about Death Valley when the rains come and provide a rare glimpse into the wildflower life?

An environmentalist cares about all landscapes and biomes. The tundra is no different from the desert. It's just unfortunate that the desert doesn't have a cute symbolic figure like the polar bear to rally behind.

It is one thing to prefer mountains and oceans over the desert. In fact, I can argue that it is not sustainable to live in such a place, but people do. But to totally assert that there is a sort of ridiculousness to liking the desert makes you an asinine person.

Thanks for listening to me rant. Hope this clarifies how I can't believe how little you care about preserving the natural landscape.

Canada

I haven't been back to Canada in over ten years. The last time I was here was in high school, with both my grandparents, and both my siblings. Again, years ago.

I'm only here for the weekend, for a brief visit. My cousin is marrying his high school sweetheart tomorrow. It's funny to see how people who are the same age are at different stages in their lives. While my cousin and I are the same age, he is ready to get married and settle down while I am still trying to sort out my professional future. Odd.

In other noticeable differences, my uncle's house in Ottawa is significantly smaller than I recall. I remember the summers I would spend here, a month at a time, playing hide and seek, going miniature bowling, and running around with random neighborhood kids. I have some fond memories, and some not so fond memories. But it's just strange how some things change, how some things stay the same, and how some things I always remember. I never realized how rural the suburban neighborhoods of Ottawa were. You can pick corn, strawberries and raspberries out here, go rope swinging over an actual creek filled with water, and experience summer showers. All that is non-existent in California.

It's strange how I spent so much time here in this country during my childhoods. I remember being so excited about seeing my cousins, and being just as excited when they would come and visit us in California. Time has changed, everything has changed. I think what is fascinating is to see how the dynamic has changed over time, how we were once close as children, and are now just distant relatives due to the actual physical distance. Geographic location is always an interesting factor over a long duration.

Anyway, being here reminds me of a childhood from long ago. And going to my cousin's wedding brings forth the slew of memories of hide and seek. Congratulations to them!

Apartment Hunting

I've been searching for a place to live for about two weeks now. The first apartment I saw I fell in love with, but then after reading some disturbing reviews (safety is my biggest concern), I withdrew the possibility of moving into the complex.

After seeing five different places, and checking out a townhouse with the possibility of living with random people, I have concluded that I will probably live on my own. It is both frightening and exciting. Frightening because I am a single female moving to an area that is most certainly not by any means a college town, and exciting because it will be the very first time I will have ever lived by myself.

It's essentially come down to two places, both located on the same street, just a block apart. Whether or not I get the place is out of my hands. The mere mention of being a student has frightened many people away. Alas, that is life. Hopefully I'll have a place, and a job as well. Sigh.

Expenses

I used to think that I wanted a nice, semi-elaborate wedding. And then I thought about the costs, and how it's basically an extravagant prom. While Patrick and I have been talking about marriage and potentially when we would like to get married, we look at the sad state of our money, or lack-there-of. And having been together for five and a half years, and lived together, we have gotten to the point of not caring about those sorts of things.

While it may be fun for some people, and very exciting as well, weddings are simply... too much work for someone as lazy as me. I don't have a lot of friends, only a handful of close ones. While Patrick came to visit this past week, we talked about having a civil ceremony (where my best friend continues to believe that to be a non-religious wedding held at a venue). Personally, I don't mind if we got married in Vegas, or if we got married at court. A part of the marriage ceremony is sharing the event with friends, but more importantly, its is about sharing love, commitment, friendship, respect, and your life together. And that is all the really matters in the end.

At least, that's what I have come to conclude. When I was a little girl I would occasionally flip through magazines and look at wedding dresses, and on occasion, I would draw what my ideal dress would look like. But I never thought about the actual ceremony. I never actually planned it out in my head. And now that I am older and closer to the marriage age (har har), I just don't care for those things as much as I feel I should.

Every moment is a special one with the person you love, and everyone celebrates it differently. That much I know.

Philosophies

About a month ago I met up with an old high school friend in Berkeley. She started talking to me about how her political views had shifted. Once she considered herself a fairly far-left leaning liberal, but after attending college at Berkeley and being around students and residents, she just became a regular liberal.

When I talk to my best friend on the phone, I tell her that I now know that the hippies up here differ from the hippies down in Los Angeles. Actually, I don't even think Angeleno "hippies" can be classified as hippies.

After hanging out with some classmates tonight, I felt like I was the most conservative person there, even though I know I'm not. I guess my "materialistic" outlook on Birckenstock's (I associated these shoes with lazy, and poorly dressed people) gave it away that I was not a "Nor Cal" resident. Birkenstock's are just okay, and are not terribly comfortable.

I miss Los Angeles, and I miss Patrick. I just want to go home already.

Michigan

A few weeks ago I flew out to Detroit to meet Patrick's Irish side of the family. In a nutshell, they were very nice people, and talkative. I have never been surrounded by so many first and second generation Irishmen and women, nor have I ever celebrated an Irish grandmother's birthday at a Gaelic League pub. I have had friends that were Irish, and very proud of their heritage, but Patrick's family hails from Cook county, where his grandfather still spoke Gaelic, rest his soul.

Detroit, despite its reputation and economic situation, is geographically located in a very beautiful setting. I did see the run down buildings and homes, which is a sad reminder of what our post-industrial economy looks like in the rust belt. It costs $10,000 for the city of Detroit to raise a building but I am sure, given how many abandoned buildings there are, it costs hundreds of thousands, if not millions of dollars to bulldoze. But then, even if Detroit could afford to do so, empty plot after empty plot doesn't look so good either.

Anyway, I think I'm falling in love with the mid-west, in a very romantic sort of way. I loved Chicago, and the people I met in Detroit were very cool. Wish I could have seen more though. Such is life.

Serendipity

Facebook is my obsession, but I have rarely used the social networking site to actually network or socialize with people I had not seen in years, that is until this past Friday.

There have been a few people from my past that I was interested in chatting up with that were my "friends" on facebook. That was in Los Angeles a few years ago. It was not until last week that I reached out to someone again from my high school. After a few messages back and forth, an old high school swimmate and I intended on meeting up for food and other things after work Friday night. Not too long after confirming our arrangement, my friend Aaron contacted me about meeting up that same day (but in the morning, which is strange).

Friday comes along, and I get off BART in downtown Oakland. While walking out and up to the street surface, I notice this person with her helmet on and bike in tow. Then I realized it was Ellen, a girl I went to college with and a girl that I volunteered with on Habitat. It was strange that, of all the days, I was looking forward to catching up with old high school acquaintances, and I ran into yet another person. My coworker said my situation was very serendipitous. I agree, to a certain extent.

And by the way, my Friday was very enjoyable. I am rather surprised on how much said swimmate and I had in common and got along. It is strange to see a person after eight years though. C'est la vie.

Fleeting

There are moments when I just feel down right depressed. These moments are pretty fleeting, but having left my hometown behind hasn't been easy. This is the most time I have spent away from Los Angeles, without any real close friends up in the San Francisco Bay Area. Even though I have my sister and her husband, and even though school and the lack of money has essentially consumed my time, I still feel sad from time-to-time. Part of the hopelessness I feel is from the economy, and my lack of faith in the things I am doing.

I'm more than certain that these down period will pass, because these moments really are fleeting. However, whenever I feel this way I can't help but feel lost.

I know I don't write very often about myself, and the way I am feeling. I just needed to get this off my chest for now, to make me feel a little normal again. At least school will be out. Now I just need to find a source of income for the summer. A job is a job at this point.

Adventure

This year I have been to Albuquerque, New Mexico. It was a very nice, albeit brief, visit to my old college roommate Makah and her fiance Andre.

But I will be visiting other places this year. Next trip will be to the city of Detroit. I just realized that I will be in Detroit celebrating Patrick's grandmother's 80th birthday during Mother's Day weekend. This makes me feel guilty for not visiting my own mother. I am contemplating on driving down to Los Angeles next weekend to say hello to the parental units.

The next big trip I will have is to visit Peru. Of course I will be touring and site seeing in the city of Cusco. I am a bit sad that my friend Carlene will be leaving on July 31, five days before I arrive to Cusco. At least I have an extremely reliable source for traveling advice and information. Carlene has been in Peru for over a year now.

Other trips this year will include the possibilty of me flying to Ottawa, Canada to visit my family for my cousin Richard's wedding, and a trip to the Pacific Northwest to see my old coworker Tammy.

But the trips I miss the most are my camping trips. There is nothing more exciting than traveling with friends on the open road in the US. I'm attaching one of my favorite photos from last year while touring southern Utah.

Renewable

After working in the environmental protection sector, I have become a little more cautious in regard to renewable energy. It isn't that I'm against it, but rather I think of the sort of mentality we all have as Americans, especially Californians, when it comes to locating things like mass production of solar panels and wind turbines for renewable energy. I think my thoughts and sentiments were captured perfectly with a conversation I had with a class mate up here. It went along the lines of me saying that I love hiking, and that I miss hiking in Los Angeles. Said classmate looked surprised at me, and was like, but the hiking is much greater because of all the pretty waterfalls and greenery. Don't even get me started, because clearly you Bay Area folks know nothing about Angeles National Forest, and nor can you even begin to appreciate a true desert mediterranean climate. Anyway, I digress.

The point is that I have come to appreciate the desert landscape more than most people ever would, and probably ever will. Our society dictates that we need renewable, clean and green energy, and where do we focus our efforts? Away from development and cities, mostly because the proposed projects are so enormous in size. Instead, we opt to relocate these green projects into the high desert. This article in the Los Angeles Times summarizes the issue that is at hand here. We sacrifice prestine land for the sake of renewable energy. We pretend to be green, like in San Francisco or Santa Monica, but the facilities we clamour for destroy a very sensitive, and beautiful environment.

Yes, there are contradictions in being green and sustainable. And no, I am not a NIMBY activist. The desert is home to wildlife, and to a rural lifestyle that is already being disrupted tremendously. In California, and like in many major environmental movements, we choose to protect places that hold some sort of panaromic scenic significant, something that is tangible and worth preserving for future generations. It has to evoke some sort of emotional state out of us, usually leaving an impression of some sort.

Of course, we could never consider constructing wind turbine engines out in the ocean, because, God forbid, it would ruin our coastal viewshed. Instead, let us dump these machines (because really, what else are they?) in the backyard of the Mojave desert. Let's forget, that our State's flower, the California Poppy, blooms wildly in the desert, in some of the most untouched, undeveloped, and breath takingly beautiful land, should be sacrificed for the use of metropolitan areas.

Have we learned nothing about Los Angeles and its water source, or the destruction of Hetch-Hetchy valley for San Franciscans? Or the Colorado River, that does not even drain to the ocean anymore?

And let build swarths of solar panels, in addition to the ones already constructed, again in the Mojave.

I'm tired of people not realizing their impacts on a regional basis. Get out of your bubble, and for once in your life, truly analyze the footprint you have created. The goods and services we all want will have a negative impact on our environment. Instead of doing more "infill" we opt to continue to destroy land, that may seem worthless to many of you, for the sake of our own greedy goals.

Just because it is the desert, doesn't mean it's wasteland.

Saying goodbye when saying hello

About two weeks ago my laptop starting to shutdown randomly by itself, and this was all happening while I was talking on the phone with my best friend. Initially, it seemed like there was something loose and that my laptop could be easily fixed. Anyway, upon further inspection from Ray, it was discovered that the part of my laptop that was loose was actually damaged. At some point and time in the past 4.5 years I had my IBM Thinkpad, I dropped it and caused it to crack. Most presumably it was recent, but alas, my laptop has expired. Sadly, my Thinkpad has now joined the graveyard of all the other Thinkpads in this household. And by all I mean three, which is more than most people have. All together, there are three functional laptops, and three dead ones, making a total of six. Don't ask.

So, after much thought and consideration, I decided to go with a Dell Inspiron 1500 series. It's a little lighter than my Thinkpad, and a definite upgrade. It's all black, so it looks sleek and sexy, with a 15.4 inch WLED screen. I'm still getting used to using this keyboard because more often than not, I accidentally hot key a bajillion things and I don't have the foggiest idea on how I do it.

My new laptop also arrived during the beginning of my spring break and at the beginning of March Madness. When school resumes, I can finally bring my laptop to class. Yes folks, it seems that while I am in grad school, the laptop is the preferred choice of equipment to bring with you. I do not know why, but I am simply following the herd now.

Also, I leave for New Mexico at the end of this week, visiting my old college roomate Makah and her fiancee. Rather exciting. Patrick and I got them some board games, which I know they will like. I'm still trying to figure out what else to get them as a housewarming gift. Do you guys have any suggestions? I'd truly appreciate any suggestions right now :)

As for work, I am still enjoying it, even though I feel completely inept at times. I'm getting the hang of using Microsoft Access, Excel dbf files, and ArcGIS. Slowly, but surely. Everyone is still cheery, friendly, and nice so no complaints on my end here. Supervisor is still helpful and patient with me.

And a random side note/thoughts. I've realized that, over the years, a majority of the people I dated - no matter how brief - have been Catholic. They weren't very religious, but none-the-less I think they were all baptized. The run down is: B, Catholic; M, Catholic; D, Catholic; and Patrick, Catholic. I know, don't ask me why, but I guess I'm attracted to people who are baptized Catholic but are definitely not religious. Patrick is technically Catholic, and he's the closest person to me in my life. Then there's my bestfriend, who happens to be a lapsed Catholic as well. Second closest. Again, I don't know what this means.

There's my update. Hope everyone has had a great spring break, or is currently enjoying their time off like I am.

Classes

Last semester was really uninspiring for me. I disliked all my classes not because the professors were bad, but because they were not very interesting, or engaging for that matter. Maybe I have too high of an expectation for certain subject matters, but I doubt it. Statistical methods just does not stimulate me in any way. At least this semester I can look forward to one of my classes, which keeps me a little more sane now that I'm juggling full time enrollment and two internships.

My Environmental Justice course is great because it's different from the rest of the classes here, mostly due in part to the fact that it is mostly lecture based, with an academic flair. I'm sure you are wondering why I would enjoy a class like this that is not really preparing me for the mundane daily work routine. Well, to be honest, I came to the conclusion last semester that I enjoy being involved with people and their issues. Even though my internship with the County of Alameda doesn't have me work with people in the area on a regular basis, I focus on social issues that impact the community at large. That's better than sitting at a desk all day analyzing staff reports and grant proposals, or coordinating graphics and board meetings. If I can focus on social issues affecting a community, then by golly, I'm content. Anyway, the discipline of planning has always taken a fairly straight-edge approach to dealing with issues in a city, but rarely did this discipline actually focus on the needs and wants of people, and the impacts project developments have on their lives. It was not until recently that the idea and concept of incorporating people into the development projects started occurring.

Envrionmental Justice is similar to Social Justice, except that in the case of Environmental Justice, there is the intention of locating harmful/hazardous projects next to a minority community. And through my internship, we focus on the issue of equity, and equitable distribution of services. It ties up rather nicely, relating to issues of access to fresh produce, walkability in the community, services like medical clinics, and location of schools. Access to transportation. Things like that.

Anyway, I love my class this semester. I think I found my niche after all these years of searching. I've known now for the longest time that I wanted to be involved with people, and the environment, I just didn't know what. I have also known that working for a non-profit group would probably make me jump for joy, and my professor has already indicated that if I ever want to be in contact with someone from Communities for a Better Environment, he could help me out. I do, and in fact, I want to intern with this group. And my supervisor at my internship also indicated that he could help me out as well.

Anyway, that's about it for now. I also wanted to mention that my supervisor at the Public Health Department is super nice and great to work with. Unlike my old position down in Los Angeles, I have a boss that is willing to help me out. On Friday, I was floored because he asked me if I wanted to meet with some Oakland city planners, and if so, he could arrange for a meeting this week. What a fantastic, nice, wonderful person! My problem is that I do not reach out for help or networking because I'm so intimidated by the business world. Oh well, this is a great journey for me.

By the way, the cities of Long Beach and Oakland, according to Wikipedia (har har, such a reliable source) are the most diverse cities in the United States. Crazy, huh?

Regrets

The semester here is almost over, and all my frustration came out like a torrent of rain when I was talking to my classmate yesterday at school. While we were waiting to talk to our Stats professor, we vented out our frustration with the program and the lack of courses.

I typically follow through with my decisions, riding out the bad wave. But this time, I realized how unhappy I was at San Jose. I like my peers, and the setting isn't bad. What has brought me down is the scarcity, or lack there of, of key courses offered here. As I sit here pondering my profession career, I wonder if I should have gone to Cal Poly Pomona. Some people wondered why I didn't apply to schools like Berkeley, USC, or UCLA. Well that is pretty simple to answer: I did not want to take the GRE's. I have nothing against smaller schools like Pomona or San Jose, so as long as I feel my education is worth-while.

So here I am, nearing the end of my first semester frustrated. Frustrated that I have to wait an entire year to take a GIS course, which is practically a required skill Planners should have in today's world, I feel like I won't be able to compete in the market. There are only four full time faculty members, so the diversity I have work with is nil. So now I am reconsidering my options. I know that there are things of interest to me in the Planning field, so I know I won't be abonding my career choice. It's a matter of, should I leave San Jose State and apply to Pomona, or if I should just stick it out?