Monday, February 25, 2008

Self-image

It's ironic how, as a child, I was always very slender, lean, and tan. Of course my older sister would constantly remind me (more like harp haha) about the food I consumed. Upon looking back, the saying, "you are what you eat" resonates more soundly today than when I was an angst-ridden pubescent teen.

Now, as I'm a young adult I have found myself coping with bodily portions unfamiliar to me. Okay, I may be exaggerating but the truth of the matter is that I am much bigger than I was a teen. Curvy yes. My weight has fluctuated a great deal since I left high school (and no, this post will not grace you with photos, I have to have some vanity and a conscious somewhere). And while I promote a healthy bodily image, I cannot say without a 100 percent certainty that I am not affected by what Hollywood perpetuates as a beautiful body. Since last summer I have lost what some of my friends say "a considerable amount of weight." Yes, I have lost weight (about 15 lbs), and the most blatant comment came from Sushi Chef Masu. I walked through the door and he straight up says "Wow you've lost a lot of weight." Of course I am embarrassed because a) this is sort of uncomfortable and, b) it was said in front of the entire restaurant.

Anyway, I have my female complaints. I am not slender. In fact, I detest how much "junk in the trunk" I have. I hate how I have to work incredibly hard to be at the weight I am at, when, I am not even that thin.
My friends say I am "wasting away" when I've dropped... two pant sizes. Before I went to UCLA I was the thinnest I had been since the summer going into my senior year in High School.

Now, I'm fairly certain by American standards I'm on the slimmer side, but compared to my Asian-female counterparts, I'm huge. Hello, size 6/8 Asian girl? Oh honey, trust me, if I were in the media I would be torn apart and left for the vultures to pick away at.

And it bothers me. What bothers me the most is how incredibly short I am compared to my relatives, notably my sister and my cousin Sarah. My torso is the same length as my sister, yet she has five inches of leg on me. And to make things worse, my feet are nearly as large as hers and our hands are the same size.

It doesn't make sense.

And I hate when people tell me I'm a baby making machine. Just to let you all know, as I've gotten older my biological clock has not been telling me become a baby factory. In fact, just the opposite is true: I am beginning to rethink the whole "lets have kids thing." Okay, it's not that I wouldn't have kids, but as I have gotten older, the desire to have children has been lessening. AND I AM NOT THAT EDUCATED. All I have is my Bachelors.

Back to my body. Anyway, like I said, I have to work incredibly hard to be "average." I cycle, I hike, I walk, I go to yoga (and on occasion I run *gasp*). I would like to think I lead a fairly active lifestyle. Dieting does not work, and I am a firm believer in moderation. Like, don't over eat. It's okay to have 2% fat milk. It's not like you drink a gallon a day you freaks.

This obsession has finally gotten to me. Too bad I love food, or else I would have resorted to anorexia at some point in my life.

And just to let you all know, chocolate flour-less cake is the best.

I love food. Dieting would never work for me.

3 comments:

SongNMasa said...

What a great post. The idea of drinking a gallon of milk a day makes me sick...almost as sick as referring to women as "baby machines."

JD said...

genetics is a bitch, aint it? As for me, i am paler and shorter than my younger bro, and beginning to bald, though whether from genetics or stress i dont know. Oh well que sera sera

Zug zug said...

I guess I figure that 1 or 2 percent fat milk isn't going to kill you. Moderation on food consumption has gone out the window any people are much too obsessed with watching how much fat is in milk/dairy products. The question of course is, how much do you actually consume... and if it isn't much then I doubt it really impacts your life.

And yes, baby-machine is sick. Inside I really despise people who assume I will produce many, many children. Do I give off an aura I do not realize?